Comparison is the Thief of Joy

And what is the thief?

Exploring the energy of comparison and healing its wounds

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I have to give credit to the people that inspired this rabbit hole. I was listening to an awesome workshop on “success” [listen here, so good] and this expression was mentioned by the hosts [Sarah Faith Gottesdiener and Erica Feldmann].

The universe loves to lob me a call-out right when I least expect it. I was just painting and listening to a podcast, unaware that I was about to unlock a little part of my journey that was holding me back for months.

My insides lit up because I saw that the root of so much of my pain recently has been in my experience of comparing my life to the lives of others online. Ew.

It was a logical way for my mind to spend energy because I just made some massive life choices that look and feel like the opposite of success.

Recently, I set out on a journey and my living situation is now completely transient. I’ve been doing more spiritual work than ever but don’t have a day job or consistent income. I’m chasing my dreams and keeping promises to myself, but the payoff isn’t immediate.

I really underestimated the temptation of using all this extra time that I’d set aside for witchcraft and writing to scroll social media instead.

While I passively satisfy my ADHD with dopamine hits, I’m also deep in my manifestation practice. My energy is open and receptive, but what is going on under the surface also influences what I attract.

All of that screen time for the past few months wasn’t just hitting my self-esteem where it hurts (my hip dips) but also my psyche.

Comparison as an Energy

When this hidden shadow of my new life was revealed, my mind went to the thief before the comparison.

I am not a stranger to having a far different life than others. While the bullying for that has subsided in my old age (I’m 28), I still get those pangs of longing. The desire to be normal, average, stable, and so on.

However, the reason we have sayings like this is that they say more than they are saying.

It is not accurate to say Comparison will make you sad, for example. That experience is not universal or encompassing enough to make us shake our head in agreement and keep it with us like a talisman of protection.

Because the thief part is very important to the story of comparison. A thief falls under the archetype of a Trickster. Tricksters are the trouble-making elements of our world that create chaos.

Tricksters do their work by distorting our reality or exposing the ways that we as humans distort our own reality. That means they can take advantage of the distortions that already exist in our relationships, cultural norms, habits, rituals, etc.

That is why a Trickster often scares us. It takes joy in finding our fears (which are usually distortions of reality) and showing them to us as if they are “real”.

Because of this, when we are feeling the comparison energy we are simultaneously holding something that is true for us (grief) and something that is not true at all (projections).

It is not just that we wish things were different for us, it is that the very act of comparison is itself a distortion. It is a fun-house mirror that reflects back to us only what we do not have. It magnifies our grief in all of the places we try to hide it.

The idea that comparison is a distortion and the thief that lives within it is just an archetype does not take out the sting.

The emotions that come up around this are very real and can be very painful.

Healing Comparison

You can write these in your journal or just explore them mentally. Go slowly, skip the ones you hate.

Ask yourself:

• In what situations do I compare myself to others?
• Where do I feel Comparison in my body and what is the sensation?

For each body part and the sensation it is feeling:

• What other feelings does that remind me of?
• What stories or memories do I have about these feelings?

With your hand on your heart, ask yourself:

Shadow Work:

• What do I wish were different about my life?
• Where (or with whom) do I place blame for not having the life I wish I had?
• What do I fear will happen if I do not succeed?

Light Work:

• What actions do I take now that make my life better than the life I used to have?
• What do I appreciate about my life now?
• What are the best choices I have made for myself?
• What skills do I have that make me capable of success?
• What activities make me feel alive and how often do I do them?

Remember:

Grief is a part of life. Most of us do not ever get the tools we need to understand or process grief. Cry, drink lots of water, ask for support, rest, scream into a pillow, and scroll if you need to.

The only right way for you to be in this world is the way that you are.

And Finally:

The illusions that social media create are not new. The lie is that we need to have the best, the most aesthetic, the most virtuous, the most civilized, successful, or perfect life.

It does not start and end with the internet but that medium creates a near-daily encounter with a devious Trickster.

There are systems (particularly capitalism and white supremacy) that benefit, profit, and continue to oppress us with the toxic glamour of “perfection” that they have outlined for us.

To heal your comparison and live for your own desires, goals, and fulfillment is an act of radical rebellion. It is soul work that gets you back on your path rather than the path of others. That divine movement back to center will give you back the energy that comparison sucks from you and you will be surprised what’s possible when you have that fire lit again.

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