How to do Shadow Work

Inner Alchemy

Important Disclaimers

While it is possible to do Shadow Work while you are currently experiencing trauma in your life, it is definitely NOT advised. However, some people DO seem to seek out shadow work when they are in times of grief or mourning and even trauma. This is what prevents in me an absolute such as, “Don’t do shadow work if ____!” Or “Nobody should do or even talk about shadow work ever!”

My suggestion is to try your best to understand your own limitations and your relationship to your own healing. This work can easily become a way to punish yourself or enter a rip tide of negative thoughts or emotions.

This kind of work CAN trigger downward spirals for those struggling with trauma or mental health. If you are not seeing a therapist, consider this or reaching out locally to discuss shadow work with a professional you trust that can help anchor you in reality.

Your greatest tool is not Shadow Work or any other frame of self improvement or individuation. Your greatest tool is your own intelligence, experience, and discernment.

This is also my own work and will include a description of my own beliefs and not a compilation of types of Shadow Work in other practices or religions, though that is an interest of study and worthy of its own well-sourced book.

Consider this an overview of my own practice to provide insight and illustration for a highly customizable and nebulous form of inner work. And, yeah, it is still pretty witchy.

What is Shadow Work

Shadow Work is the process of identifying, understanding, dismantling, and healing the Shadow Selves that live within our psyche.

Shadow Selves are aspects of our personality that are hidden until they attack or are sought out. They are able to conjure imaginations, dreams, and other manipulative twists of reality to control our feelings and actions.

There are many archetypes associated with the Shadow Self in many disciplines whether it be religion, psychology, or mythology.

I will be going over the work I have done with the Shadow Selves. Because of my own bias, world view, and practice, this formula may not be for everyone. I am directly concerned with the alchemy of shadow to eventually reach a state of gratitude, forgiveness, and love. Not every practitioner is interested or able to access these states through shadow work nor should they be. It is just what works for me and even that may change over time.

While we will later delve into the Shadow Selves more personally, it my be useful to occupy this frame of mind:

The shadow is not bad or wrong. It is only dark and hidden.

Identifying Shadow Selves

It is important to discern between a Shadow behavior and a rightful expression of anger, pain, or aggression.

One of the first and most valuable keys to successful Shadow Work is understanding that anger, sadness, and other “negative” behaviors are not only valuable but sometimes necessary. We may not see very many positive examples of these behaviors but they are valid.

We now get to realize that sometimes these big feelings (and the behaviors that come with them) are how we manage conflict, confrontation, love, or justice. These feelings and the actions we take because of them are applicable to the situation and should be honored.

However, they are easily hijacked by Shadows.

The sign of the Shadow Self is when these emotions come out in the wrong situation or at the wrong person. When we feel like we lose control of our words and actions or are stuck in a cycle of making decisions we come to regret. When we say things we don’t mean and do things we aren’t proud of.

You will notice it is a Shadow Self behavior if you are struggling with identifying “where did that come from?” for a little longer than is comfortable.

Ruled by a Shadow Self

A Shadow Self has incredible power over us.

Because we are not willing to talk about this part ourselves, we can even forcefully ignore its rule over our actions. We develop a blind spot directly over it because looking at it might be too painful.

We don’t want to acknowledge that this “Other” Self has caused us to let people down. It has whispered horrible things into our ear that soil our attitude. It comes out as anger, defensiveness, or holier than thou behavior.

It wants so badly to be seen for its pain and it can do so by hijacking our emotions all while advocating for its own protection.

There are many Shadow Selves running around in the mind, drifting in and out of the subconscious to wage small wars for themselves. It will come into the light only when it is challenged. If you are trying to communicate with a Shadow Self, you must either challenge them (bringing them out) or go into the darkness with a torch (which my Scorpio-Moon ass prefers).

Betrayed by a Shadow Self

When we are working with the shadow, we are working with the pain of betrayal.

We are learning that false information has come into our psyche, ruled our behavior, and influenced us to make bad decisions. We also are confronted with how many people we have hurt along the way.

It can be easy and even justified to want to kill this part of us. A part of us that doesn’t actually advocate for our true will. A part of us that is on some dangerous side quest to prove its worth to the world. A part that has no concept of consent, tone, or context.

Like a scared animal trapped in a house knocking over shelves and picture frames and attacking people that are trying to help it. It is a one-minded creature.

Experiencing this self-betrayal can be incredibly painful. Further, it can be scary. Many of us might find that we have relinquished far too much control to Selves inside of us that are not accountable to us. We give the floor to the demons within us because the alternative (facing the conflict head-on) would seem too hard or scary.

Remember that we also have Selves within us that are all Love and Light. They are healers and nurturers and protectors that are one-minded in a far different sense. A Shadow Self does not make us an all “bad” or “evil” person. It only shows us where the healing can be started which is an incredible gift.

Finding the Shadow Self

Shadow work is not about banishing the “worst” parts of ourselves into the darkness when they come to fight.

When we send parts of ourselves away to places that we cannot see, they do not die. They become lonely and bitter. They plot their revenge and attack again without notice. In fact, if you notice a Shadow Self controlling your actions, that means it has come to light to wage war and defend itself.

You may not want to try to heal a warrior while they are on guard.

Instead, we can go inward when the Shadow is sleeping. By candlelight, we can imagine ourselves walking through the stone corridors of the mind to go and find this hidden and misunderstood part of ourselves.

As we approach, we see the dead parts of us that it has eaten. We see the cadavers of relationships that we have ruined. We have to face the blood and guts of our ignorance of its role in our waking life.

When we arrive at the Shadow Self’s chamber, they may draw a sword. It may be hard to practice nonviolence toward this creature. It may be hard to remember that it is a part of us and not our enemy, just as it is hard for them to trust us.

We cannot battle a Shadow. It is a part of us. The fact that we do not know what part of us this is can actually be contributing to its pain.

We can remove the armor that the Shadow Self has been wearing. We can disarm the angry “enemy” with negotiation and careful language. We can ask, “Where did you come from?” and “What do you need?”

Knowing the Shadow Self

This interview is not easy. Often, Shadow Selves are the result of lies.

We are shown a dark mirror of ourselves in this conversation. Revelations rise like oil on the surface of the water, showing us contamination from the past.

Here are some guiding questions to ask your shadow self:

1) Where did you come from? What is your name?

2) What was the lie?

You will never amount to anything.

You are a burden.

You can’t do that because of your identity.

Your identity is not real.

Or

You are better than everyone.

You can only accomplish things by hurting others.

Others are competing with you and you must win.

Nobody can be trusted.

3) Did the lie get told to you verbally? Did it get shown to you through an incident or a chain of actions? Was it inferred by information omitted?

4) How are you expressing yourself? Is it anger? Is it isolation? Is it defensiveness or dismissiveness or exhaustion?

Integrate the Shadow Self

The work of understanding the Shadow Self is already very healing.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph. D. said it best when she compared the integration of the Predator archetype to “taking the medicinal parts of the deadly nightshade” in Women Who Run With the Wolves.

These interviews may happen many times. This Self may have a lot of baggage from the past. It may even have some concerns about the present. The conversation you start now will be never-ending but it will be useful.

There are many ways to transform this difficult experience into a lesson. Mine is a visualization of the process.

I walk the Shadow Self to my heart center where a fire of healing burns. I invite that Self to feel what love is. I invite them to consider my beliefs and empathize with my work. I ask them to join me in moving forward with love and forgiveness and teach them my value around remaining kind and being present for conflict instead of reactionary.

But, more importantly, I listen to them.

It may sound like a “love and light” meditation, but it is pretty brutal. It is riddled with sharp edges and traumatic memories and unsavory realizations about the self. If you’re not careful, the integration can seem overwhelming and impossible.

During this conversation, you might find other painful lies.

I don’t deserve any love.

I was left alone for so long, I didn’t think I even existed.

There is no such thing as love or harmony.

The world cannot be a better place and I would rather contribute to its destruction than try to be a better person.

I cannot be a good person, I do not belong, my life is of no value.

I should not, can not, or will not forgive myself or anyone else.

And we can take the hand of our Shadow self and invite them to the difficult work of liberation. We can set them on a mission to speak up when they feel hurt and we can promise to listen instead of forcing them away. We can apologize and take responsibility for our role in it.

In doing this, we shift the relationship with this Shadow Self from a war into a loving relationship. We can use this as a template for working with our enemies. We can work toward trusting these feelings when they see something dangerous and learn to soothe them when there is no true danger.

My belief is there are many Shadow Selves and that the work of coming to a place of healing with them is endless. Each time I practice this act of alchemy, it gets easier. Every Self I find, honor, and forgive becomes a beacon of light to inspire the others.

If that kind of work is for you, I wish you so much strength and success.