Saturn Return Diaries: Part 2

Saturn rewards preparation and I am happy to announce I have been preparing for this for years.

It was only just recently that I learned the “lead-up” to the Saturn return carries a unique kind of energy. This lead-up to the Saturn return is the period in which you do or do not study for your exam.

I am predicting some of the ways this return will pan out for me. As I surrender more deeply to fate and the universe and the abundance of Earth, I also feel a pull toward hard work and integrity.

I studied, but none of these questions were in the text books.

I’m broke, losing support from followers, behind on bills, and scared for my future. These are things I’ve been cycling through my whole life. Now, there is a new struggle entering the group chat of all of my limitations: Chronic pain.

I have been in pain for two years on and off, but for the last three months, I have been in pain every single day.

What has made this period even more interesting is that my Tarot practice has been expanding beyond my wildest imagination. I did not think that Tarot was going to be the endeavor that took off. It was not as present in my manifestation as other things I have a lot of love for.

Of course, doing readings are extremely draining. It is absolutely my passion and why I’m alive, but I cannot ignore the toll it takes on my body and energy. It is teaching me how to care for myself spiritually in the midst of service to others.

The practice of divination is a bowing to the unknowable secrets of the future. To divine is to tread with humility into the possibilities available to us.

We are not seeing the future, we are together deciding it.

While I read the symbology in the art of the cards that pre-dates language as we know it, I unlock your desires with a new kind of vulnerability. You are sharing your will and bringing it to life.

As a witch, I see tarot as spellwork in motion. When you see the coin flipping and hope it lands on heads, you know the answer.

It is a scary feeling to not know what will happen to me.

We recently went through an eclipse portal and mercury retrograde, and everything started to glow again… But I’m still in a fog. My future is being obscured because it is still undecided.

I can’t bring myself to flip the coin.

I want to shout from the building tops that I am suffering. My mental and physical health have never been worse. I have never felt more alone. I am in a cycle of not wanting to be alive by the end of the day most days.

They say that the Saturn return sucks, and I can now attest. Everywhere I turn, I see a block in my face. I can’t hear the quiet whispers of fate that I used to.

Am I more psychic than I ever have been? Yes. I’ve been working on developing my gifts for over a decade. It just doesn’t seem to make a difference in my material circumstances. I am still watching my life crumble in front of me, and my ability to see through the fabric of reality makes no difference.

I know it has to happen, I know why it is happening, and it is still painful.

Saturn in Pisces 🙄